Who do you spend the most time with on a daily basis? Yourself. (Sorry…trick question!) Whether you are married with 17 kids or single with a dog and 2 cats the same is true. Every time you look in the mirror…you are looking back at yourself. Since you are with yourself more than anyone else…the words you say have the most power to change your attitude and outlook on life. It is a common complaint of having a spouse or parent to constantly complain or nag about the things we did or didn’t do right. (Howard’s mom from The Big Bang Theory comes to mind here.) This can influence our outlook on things but that is not the most influential person in our life. What we tell ourselves is the most powerful thing we can hear. Are you you’re biggest cheerleader or worst critic?
This is an area that I still struggle with from time to time. The voices of doubt can still creep in and tell me that I am not going to be successful or of some crazy issues that are going to come up. The only time that these thoughts come up is when I get out of the habit of positive self-talk. Negative thoughts are like mold and mildew. They only grow in the shadows and darkness. If you fill your mind with the sunshine of positive thoughts then the irrational worries will not be able to get a foothold and will quickly die out.
You may be asking, “What is self-talk anyway?” Self-talk is defined as “the act or practice of talking to oneself, either aloud or silently and mentally.” (Dictionary.com) So, what are you telling yourself? Do you even know? Have you ever put any work into changing your attitude through self-talk? I know before I started on my personal development journey, I put zero effort into self-talk. I couldn’t even tell you whether my thoughts were positive or negative because they were all over the board and I didn’t even notice.
Self-Talk and Attitude are the flip side of the same coin. The thoughts inside your head are what feed your attitude. It is impossible for you to have a positive attitude when you tell yourself that you are miserable. This exact topic came up in conversation at work today. One of my salespeople approached me and said “I see you posting a lot of positive quotes on Facebook, what book would you recommend for me to read that would help me with my attitude?” I had two books that immediately came to mind.
First, I recommended The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. Phenomenal book that is very conversational but the reason I mention it here is that one of Hal’s SAVERS (you will have to read his book to find out what that means) is all around spending time doing daily Affirmations. This has the power to make the biggest change in your way of thinking but will take time to re-write the umpteen years of wiring that you have already put in place.
The second book I recommended is a classic Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. This is another great read (though not quite as conversational as Hal’s book.) Napoleon spent years studying some of the most successful people in American History and found that their mindset was the number one factor in their successes. They spent time focusing their minds on what they were going to accomplish every day and did not let the distractions of the day keep them from their goals.
At some point throughout our lives, we are destined to have a negative thought about our future come into our brains. Whether it is doubt in reaching a goal or fear of failure these thoughts are a part of human nature that we must be prepared to deal with. The good news is that you can train your brain to combat these thoughts and prevent them from holding you back. Recognizing when these negative thoughts happen to you can help you defeat them before they begin. Too often people do not pay attention to the thoughts they are having and what effect they may have on their attitudes.
As I have grown older, I have recognized the effect that the foods I eat have on my mind, body, and energy levels. One of the most informative activities I ever did was keep a food journal so that I could recognize exactly how each food changed the way I felt and acted for the remainder of the day. I love bread but it did not take me long to realize that it does not love me and I am much less effective after my 5th and 6th yeast roll. The same activity applies to your self-talk. The things you tell yourself will directly impact how you feel and act. They will impact how you treat people in your life and how successful you are.
3 Types of Positive Self-Talk
- Motivational.
Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you tell yourself you can, or you can’t…you are right!” We have the power to convince ourselves that we can achieve the goals ahead of us or if these goals are unrealistic. Think back to being in high school (sorry for making you relive that) and imagine the most popular person in the school that you never asked out on a date. Now that we are older we realize that even the most popular people in high school were dealing with many of the same insecurities that we were but back then…we listened to our limiting beliefs that said that “they were too popular to go out with us.”
Take time each morning to start your day out in a positive way by telling yourself that you can accomplish the goals ahead of you for that day. This is a short 2-3 minute exercise that will change your entire life over time. Don’t phrase it as if you have already done it. This is not some “Name it and Claim it” session and you aren’t going to say “I am a millionaire.” This is self-talk so if you treat it that way then you are essentially lying to yourself. It may feel good in the moment but once yourself conscious realize that you have been lying and that you are not a millionaire then all bets are off.
- Congratulatory
Life is hard and sometimes you need to spend a little time congratulating yourself on the accomplishments of the day. Some days you will be congratulating yourself for paying off the last bit of debt while others you must pat yourself on the back just for getting out of bed and starting the day. Every accomplishment is worthy of congratulations from yourself. Besides if you do not congratulate yourself on these accomplishments then who will???
By dedicating a little time and energy towards congratulating yourself, you will receive a small dopamine hit which will put you in a more positive mood and therefore make you more likely to accomplish even more goals. Once you accomplish these goals, make sure to congratulate yourself again so you get more dopamine. Do you see the cycle that we just created? Congratulation->Positive Mood->Accomplishment->Congratulation->Positive Mood->Accomplishment->->->
It’s the chicken and the egg all over again. I have no clue which one comes first but the good news is that it does not matter! You get to reap the benefits of this cycle no matter where you start.
- Loving
Don’t be afraid to tell yourself that you love yourself. This may be uncomfortable for you but it is important to remind yourself that no matter what happens in your life you still love yourself. There may be times when it feels like no one else loves you (even though this is not even close to being true,), but you must recognize that you still love yourself. It is important to do this early and often because if you wait until you are all alone it will be much more difficult to believe. It doesn’t have to be anything creepy or longwinded. I like to say something like, “I love my sense of humor and that I can use it to make someone feel better today.” Or maybe, “I love my ability to sense worry in my friends’ voices and that I can put their worries at ease today.” It sounds simple but knowing that you love yourself will make a huge difference in how you approach your day.
Self-talk may sound like a simple task but that does not make it an easy one. Too many people will not stick with this activity long enough to see the results because they do take some time. You won’t realize what a difference it is making in yourself until all of a sudden you will look back on how you reacted to a situation and you will be amazed at how differently you behaved compared to the old you. Stick with it and keep talking to yourself!!!